Prepare

Pregnant women are inundated with ads touting the latest best gadget, gizmo, or theory that is an absolute must for new parents and babies. Your name magically appears on every mailing list in the United States, and it only gets worse when the baby is delivered.

If you're a first-timer, it can be pretty overwhelming. Which brands are best? Does everyone else do xyz because it's easier, better, cheaper? In the case of conflicting outside opinions, whom should you trust?

Read more about the joys of Motherhood. Other "Now I Know" columns include:

Introduction

Clutter

Distraction

Equal Parenting

Grandparents

Memories

Pain

Photographs

Sacrifice

Pride
Sentimentality

Through the years, as we conceived and miscarried again and again, my husband and I had a lot of time to think about parenting logistics. Oh, not the big stuff like discipline and instilling values, but the nitpicky everyday stuff like strolling the baby lying down or propped up, aceteminophen or ice socks, Department store portraits or private photographer. Decisions, decisions, decisions.

In a way, having all that extra time prior to actual having a child gave us plenty of time to make a lot of those choices early on. By the time Tobias arrived, we were already sold on a lot of things: breastfeeding, homemade babyfood, cotton diapers, and some others. Like any major life event, though, one can only prepare for so much, and the rest is trial by fire.

This is, if you will, my list of suggestions for folks to whom children have not come easily, but who will have the very same questions as all parents (and some different issues, as well).

(1) Don't buy every baby item that the Internet and magazine lists tell you are must-have's. You'll be surprised how little an infant really needs beyond the basics of food, diapers, and love.

(2) Do have others buy everything for you -- register at large national chains. From washcloths to furniture, let someone else lavish you. That's what friends and family are for...

(3) If your friends and family aren't the lavishing types, start your buying as early as you can stand it. Since we consistently lost pregnancies up to the fourth month, I made myself wait until month five, then purchased one or two small items at each grocery store visit. Toby is almost a year old, and we're still using the same bath items that I bought while pregnant.

(4) Speaking of family and friends, find out now which ones will be the most supportive when you have post-natal complaining to vent. You could be bitterly surprised at who can dish out some of the nastiest comments later, like "Well, isn't this what you wanted?", when you are whining about your parenting chores.

(4) Avoid buying baby clothes or toys. Even the stingiest families have members who simply cannot avoid getting caught up in the excitement of all those cute little things. Besides, to assure your baby's health early on when the immune system is still building, you shouldn't be showing the kid off in public for the first couple of months anyway.

(5) Whether you're using cloth or disposable, have a supply on hand very early, say in your sixth month. Toby caught us off guard, and since the cloth delivery service couldn't route us any early on short notice, we were running to the store to buy disposables the day he came home.

(6) Don't buy baby shoes. In addition to the fact that they'll outgrow them weekly, they don't walk until around a year old, so why make the kid's feet uncomfortable before then? He, or especially she, will have years in which to make up for the months of missing pain.

(7) Get some sleep like your life depends on it. It will. I think this especially holds true for older moms -- I remember wistfully the years in which I could stay up and party all night and work all day. Now I can honestly say that's probably one of the major benefits to having a baby in one's early 20's. Sleep now, or forever hold your peace.

(8) Become adept at making your hair look attractive when it's in that awkward, growing out stage. Long or short, you won't have time to get it cut regularly for a few months after delivery, so bring on the headbands, barrettes, and hairclips.

(9) Learn all you can about concealing makeup. Under eye circles and tired, blotchy skin. Enough said.

(10) Have at least one photo of yourself taken while big and pregnant. No matter how big you still are after delivery, you'll still be smaller than before. For extra effect, take one each month of your pregnancy, and include hubby. Mine is considerably slimmer now than in those pictures.

(11) From anyone who makes offers about future babysitting, get it in writing. Seriously, most word processing programs have cute little gift certificate macros that make great pre- or even post-natal gifts.

(12) Learn about labor and delivery. Know all that you can know, plan well in advance with your partner and medical team, then hope for the best.

(12) Read up on the parenting techniques and theories of your choice. Actually, you may also have time to read for the first few weeks after birth, depending on your child's temperament. After your wonder child starts sleeping less, however, you may as well cancel your book o' the month club membership.

(13) Know that nothing you read, or buy, or receive as a gift, or hear from others will make any difference anyway. You are destined to go through the very same heartaches, headaches, calamities, oversights, and joys as every other new parent, regardless of preparation attempts. Congratulations!

"Now I Know" first appeared on Moms Online, part of the Oxygen Media network (http://oxygen.com), and is reprinted with permission.

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