Pride

Recently, one of the students with whom I worked said to me, upon seeing my son for the first time, "You must be very proud." I wasn't sure how to respond -- proud of myself for finally accomplishing this biological feat? Or was she inquiring as to the pride she assumed I felt toward my tiny son? At any rate, I kept in mind that this young woman, just hired by a large, renowned dance company at the ripe old age of eighteen, was typical of the wonderful overachievers whom I had been privileged to work with at the Ballet Academy. She, like the others, probably lived and breathed most of her life's efforts in exchange for the pride of her parents.

Pride is a selfish thing, yet it's also a feeling that wells up in one during the most interesting moments. Before my son's birth, I wondered at myself when, while watching the students perform, I would feel a sense of pride. "My" students. I would silently chastise myself that these kids were nowhere near "mine", and that any assistance I may have given a few of them over the year was in no way responsible for the incredible talent I was witnessing on stage. Will things be different with my own child?

Read more about the joys of Motherhood. Other "Now I Know" columns include:

Introduction

Clutter

Distraction

Equal Parenting

Grandparents

Memories

Pain

Photographs

Sacrifice

Preparation
Sentimentality

I have always believed strongly in the words of Khalil Gibran that "your children are not your children; they are the sons and daughters of life's longing for itself." While I acknowledge that I will instill much in my son through my words and actions that will make him different than if someone else had mothered him, I remain aware that he came to us with some personality traits and even skills already built-in. Will I allow myself to enjoy the feeling of pride that is so natural to parents?

I look forward to those times in the future when I will breathe deep for the briefest moment with complete calm and assurance that I have done a good job as a parent. At Toby's two-month check up, I glimpsed those moments in my mind as the doctor referred to my son's growth and health in glowing terms. Ah, a feeling of "I've done good".

I imagine the feeling intensifies in the future, as the events grow in importance. A good report from a babysitter or preschool on his ability to share. A grade report that indicates he is learning and applying himself. His performance in a talent show or athletic event. Watching him establish and develop positive, constructive friendships.

As I watch my son go forth and accomplish, in whatever realms he chooses, I will instinctively pause and breathe deeply the air of contentment, enjoying him as my own accomplishment. Perhaps that is pride.

And I'll ponder the origins of his abilities -- his dad's artistic nature, my intuition, other family members' traits. In the end I will always know and remain in awe of the fact that he is the accumulation of unique cells, each of which is self-driven by the mysterious miracle of life.

"Now I Know" first appeared on Moms Online, part of the Oxygen Media network (http://oxygen.com), and is reprinted with permission.