How Can I Help Someone Who is Grieving During the Holiday Season?

It can be difficult to see someone we care about in pain, because they are mourning a loss. It can be uncomfortable and make us want to do something to ease that person's suffering. It is important to be aware of the difference between our experience of someone else's pain and how they really feel. It is one thing to want to help, but it is quite another to initiate action because we want to relieve our own discomfort. It may not be helpful, or even desired, by the grieving individual.

Grieving individuals want and need space, both literal and figurative, in which to grieve and mourn their loss. Create for them a "healing environment" in which they will not be the inevitable distraction of noise, activity and daily life.

Maintain a calm and peaceful presence. Be available as an understanding, non-judgmental and listening companion should they choose to talk. Or simply sit with them in silence. If we fill the space with words, we may exhaust them further.

Try not to have expectations of how long a person's grief will last. They are forever changed by their loss and may never completely "get over" it. They will have good days and bad days. Even years later, the memory of a loved one may be triggered by a song or a smell, and there may be a period of reliving some of that more intense grief.

It is also not helpful to compare losses. Pain cannot be measured, and nothing is gained by saying one loss is greater or less than another.

Read more on grief & holidays:

The Expanded Sky by Alice J. Wisler

Why Do Holidays Make Grief So Difficult?

What Can I Do to Get Through?

Does Grief Give Gifts?

Be willing to talk about the person who died, or listen to the grieving person reminiscing.

When in doubt, ask the individual what he or she needs at that time. We must recognize we do not have all the answers and that we cannot "fix" this for them.

Loss is part of the human experience and grief is a normal reaction. We cannot know the meaning or purpose behind the loss and the grief. Do not try to take that away from anyone. Just witness their pain and simply be a grief companion.

{Hospice of Michigan provides comprehensive comfort care to people living with a terminal illness and support to their families. The organization serves more than 900 people every day in 45 counties in Michigan. For information about Hospice of Michigan services, call 1-888-247-5181 or visit their Web site, www.hom.org.}