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A Cornucopia of Resources

Just a few years ago, there were only a handful of resources providing emotional support for people struggling to have a baby. Before the Internet boomed in the mid-1990's, the only websites that even mentioned infertility were parenting sites. It was tough to feel understood in a chatroom full of parents who'd grown their families with relative ease. Now, there are hundreds of Internet locations dedicated to the unique struggles of the infertility experience, from clinic and university-affiliated educational sites to patient-run online communities.

Similarly, as researchers learn more about the myriad forms infertility takes and then communicate what they've learned through the media, mental health professionals have witnessed a resulting growth in requests for help specific to infertility patients' needs. There are now more avenues than ever to learn about your own experience through others' paths and to find guidance toward feeling more emotionally centered -- like your "old self" again.

The Pro's

Virtually all practitioners who follow the guidelines of the American Society for Reproductive Medicine (ASRM) can provide their patients with a list of mental health providers who are experienced with helping people experiencing infertility. Some clinics have established direct relationships with counselors, who may be clinical social workers (CSW), licensed marriage and family therapists (LMFT), licensed professional counselors (LPC), or licensed psychologists who have a doctor of philosophy (PhD).

Dr. Alison Wilson is a psychologist who specializes in women and couples who are struggling with infertility. In her private practice and as a consultant with Houston IVF, she frequently encounters women who have already accomplished a lot with their lives and for whom infertility is their first and biggest curve ball of life. She's accustomed to responding to clients' initial feelings of "I'm not sure I should be here..."

Using cognitive-behavioral therapy, Wilson helps clients across that first bridge to realizing that they are not alone and their feelings and thoughts are not crazy. She emphasizes the importance of perspective, which is easily challenged for anyone experiencing the losses associated with infertility.

"For many," Wilson says, "this is the first time in their life they've had to work through grief. I work to give them a sense of normalcy about the process they're going through, regardless of the outcome."

When asked who should seek professional assistance, Wilson suggests you assess the intensity, frequency, and duration of difficult emotions. “When someone can't seem to ever feel 'normal' or sadness becomes a daily intrusion,” the psychologist advises, “that may be time to seek therapy rather than a peer-based support group.”

Similarly, couples might find that professional counseling can help them connect again and more completely understand how each partner differs with coping. Wilson offers this scenario, common to the infertility world, that may signal a need for guidance: One partner, often the woman, more readily displays her sad emotions than the other. At the end of the day when they should be connecting emotionally, there may instead be judgement against each other as the less emotional partner thinks, “When is she going to start feeling better?” while the other worries, “When is he going to start feeling bad?” Another very common disconnect that Wilson sees in her clientele regards significant differences in treatment preference. One partner may wish to proceed rapidly at all costs, while the other finds only certain kinds of treatment acceptable.

Dr. Wilson notes that in some cases, individuals and couples can feel a sense of healing after only a few sessions, “especially if they come in to work through a tough spot before they go into a tailspin.”

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