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The first step for a lot of people toward emotional healing is the community support group, whether it's an organized effort or a more casual gathering. The term "support group" typically refers to a setting where participants share their personal stories with others in similar situations, and most often without a professional mental health facilitator. The primary goal of such groups is to decrease the sense of isolation that nearly all infertile people experience. Just knowing that there are others with the same worries can be a relief.

The largest and most established infertility support organization in the United States is RESOLVE, which has localized chapters that usually offer monthly speaker meetings and may also feature support group gatherings for members. Each year, RESOLVE chapters host public events in the Fall surrounding their National Infertility Awareness Week®. Another national organization is the American Fertility Association, which offers services via Internet and telephone, in addition to seminars. The International Council on Infertility Information Dissemination (INCIID) is one of the original web-based support and education resources.

There are notable differences between seeking help online and “in real life” (IRL). For some, especially those who are shy by nature, the Internet provides a wealth of new opportunity for comfort and learning. However, some also warn that using the Internet as the only means of support might lead to a misleading loss of perspective.

A study in the September 2002 issue of Fertility & Sterility looked at consumers (over 90 percent of whom were female) whose only avenue of support was the Internet and compared them to those who used additional “real life” support modes. Both groups found their Internet usage helpful, but the Internet-only group also expressed tendencies to withdraw from “real world” interactions and, importantly, they felt those withdrawal tendencies were validated by their Internet communities.

An Ongoing Need

There's evidence that points to the fact that many parents who once struggled to build their own families just can't shake the experience of infertility. Studies find that while the overall stress of new parenting is similar among the infertile and the fertile, negative feelings about the infertility experience do not simply vanish with the birth of a child. For this reason, some suggest that parents-after-infertility be open to continuing with or seeking anew either community or professional support for the feelings that may blind-side them during parenthood.

So "Just Relax" Is The Answer?!

If you're one of the millions who desperately want a child and feel like you'd do anything to have one, you're very likely fuming right about now, "If it's just a matter of relaxing, I should have a baby by now!"

Even as scientific evidence builds, professionals make no guarantees that their programs absolutely result in a baby coming home. The truth is, no type of fertility treatment or adjunct service can make that claim, whether it's the most advanced reproductive technique or a mommy-to-be support group.

Still, if your plan is to become a parent some day, there's an important point to consider when discussing the need for emotional support, and it's a point that cannot be covered too lightly: caring for your child means caring for yourself. Any parent will tell you that they are one and the same. The healthier you are as a person, both mentally and physically, the better parent you will be, and the results will be apparent in your child.

So, if you've avoided taking advantage of emotional support resources and tried to cope alone with your struggle, try a new perspective -- it might be one of the best things you can do for yourself during this difficult time.

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